Sex and Loving Relationship

After we know ourselves

It is funny that communication necessary to move beyond the problems we are having in our relationships is rarely discussed.

People long out of relationship come to tears as they forgive each other and take responsibility for what occurred with each other. They feel love for each other that was present before the difficult times come along.

We are in such a hurry, full of lust and sexual tension looking for a fantasy to explode with.

Holding onto an illusion about what we want, we paste the illusion onto another person like a mask. Over time the mask wears thin and the illusion starts to become transparent. The other person starts to show through. What they believe about the world, themselves and us pushes through the character we created for them in our fantasy.

Reality sets in with all of its faults, body hair, and table manners. And of course our chosen one is most likely seeing us from a new perspective as we see how much they changed since the sweet beginnings of love. This situation could not exist if either participant in the relationship was honest, the illusion could not last. However in the start we are trying to hide all those little faults aren’t we?

I believe that a deep examining of each partners beliefs is in order before a relationship of substance can be committed to. It takes honesty and a level of neutral communication to say exactly what is in your heart and on your mind. Then take the time necessary to feel, hear and see your true self through the other persons filters and judgments. Only with this clarity can you see through the love, fantasy.

Then you will get to know the other persons morals and foundational beliefs and then once that is complete you can move on to a higher level of real trust and intimacy.

Honest open communication in every interaction deepens our understanding of the depth and foundation of a person.

Knowing how our potential lifelong lover makes choices and changes in his or her life, combined with a level of open honest communication during lifes upsets and difficulties increases the availability of love and understand in the relationship over time.

A high level of trust develops bringing intimacy that allows sex to be experienced at the core for each person. With nothing to hide, totally present, with our emotions as naked as our skin we have the opportunity to experiences the totality of renewal that the sexual experience can bring to our being in relationship.

I believe this is what we are all looking for, deathly afraid of, and have no experience with. This level of relationship has almost never been in existence as a reality and even as a fantasy we were not taught how to sustain this love.

For most of us we only know this quality of love in the beginning fantasy of a relationship and we keep looking into fantasy to find it running from relationship to relationship as the dream dies.

Being real, trusting ourselves, staying present and honest, knowing who we are and what we want, loving our self, then we can create the love relationship of our dreams.