Sex and Loving Relationship
After we know ourselves
It is funny that communication necessary to move beyond the problems we are
having in our relationships is rarely discussed.
People long out of relationship come to tears as they forgive each other and
take responsibility for what occurred with each other. They feel love for each
other that was present before the difficult times come along.
We are in such a hurry, full of lust and sexual tension looking for a fantasy to
explode with.
Holding onto an illusion about what we want, we paste the illusion onto another
person like a mask. Over time the mask wears thin and the illusion starts to
become transparent. The other person starts to show through. What they believe
about the world, themselves and us pushes through the character we created for
them in our fantasy.
Reality sets in with all of its faults, body hair, and table manners. And of
course our chosen one is most likely seeing us from a new perspective as we see
how much they changed since the sweet beginnings of love. This situation could
not exist if either participant in the relationship was honest, the illusion
could not last. However in the start we are trying to hide all those little
faults aren’t we?
I believe that a deep examining of each partners beliefs is in order before a
relationship of substance can be committed to. It takes honesty and a level of
neutral communication to say exactly what is in your heart and on your mind.
Then take the time necessary to feel, hear and see your true self through the
other persons filters and judgments. Only with this clarity can you see through
the love, fantasy.
Then you will get to know the other persons morals and foundational beliefs and
then once that is complete you can move on to a higher level of real trust and
intimacy.
Honest open communication in every interaction deepens our understanding of the
depth and foundation of a person.
Knowing how our potential lifelong lover makes choices and changes in his or her
life, combined with a level of open honest communication during lifes upsets and
difficulties increases the availability of love and understand in the
relationship over time.
A high level of trust develops bringing intimacy that allows sex to be
experienced at the core for each person. With nothing to hide, totally present,
with our emotions as naked as our skin we have the opportunity to experiences
the totality of renewal that the sexual experience can bring to our being in
relationship.
I believe this is what we are all looking for, deathly afraid of, and have no
experience with. This level of relationship has almost never been in existence
as a reality and even as a fantasy we were not taught how to sustain this love.
For most of us we only know this quality of love in the beginning fantasy of a
relationship and we keep looking into fantasy to find it running from
relationship to relationship as the dream dies.
Being real, trusting ourselves, staying present and honest, knowing who we are
and what we want, loving our self, then we can create the love relationship of
our dreams.