I have noticed that two statements are prevalent in my Buddhist coaching and practice.

"Some thing is wrong with me" and "I don't know what it is"

In a coaching session I a person will ask "What is wrong with me?" I will usually ask "what do you think or feel is wrong with you?" Usually I get the leading statement or a similar response in reply. The client may say "There must be look at my life".

At this point I start mapping his or her life.

I start with the basics;

Do you have friends? Do you have food to eat? Do you have money to spend? What education do you have? What jobs/volunteering have you done? What successes do you have?

If you are participating in this you can write a list for each question listing how much, how many or what type of jobs and success?

Note any yes buts or if only statements come with the answers. Look closely at the answers to these questions. What proof do you have that something is wrong with you?

Note the proof you have.

From my initial article Coaching from the Buddhist mind perspective you may remember that what we believe is conditioned by early childhood incidents that create a description we use to navigate through the world with safety.

Notice all the proof you have that something wrong with you might not be true. Make a list of this conflicting evidence. Notice you disregard or diminish the importance of this evidence.


Well one possible reason is that you depend on your beliefs to protect yourself from harm. If your belief is wrong you are in danger of being hurt or killed. This matrix of beliefs is also what we call our selves, we are what we believe. We are constantly comparing the world with what we believe by the millisecond. This tells us if we are on our path. If it feels right to us to be doing or not doing what we are doing or not doing. This is part of the human mind condition and works for the most part. If you are reading this you are still alive so it is doing the job of keeping you alive perfectly.

The train goes off the rails when you keep seeing negative results in the world without changing your mind. Successful people can change their mind as circumstances dictate. The extent that you can be flexible and spontaneous, letting yourself respond gracefully to change and new circumstances is the extent that you can see clearly what is in front of you.

It is like believing you are walking down a smooth, flat, and strait path when you are actually walking down a winding, hilly, path filled with potholes. You keep stepping into holes falling down and running into branches as you go off the path. You get up and patch your head then continue believing the path is the same.

Notice the same result happens if you change the belief with the reality in the dramatization above.

At this point you need a second opinion and perhaps a third.

We believe our survival depends on believing the belief matrix no matter what reality is telling us. We take on a belief, that belief clouds our perception of events and results in our life giving proof for the belief, we add this belief to our belief matrix because it works so well and now the world is exactly the way we know it is. And away we go finding more proof for how our world is.

If you don't find a way to challenge your beliefs and rewrite them from reality now you will live the same life experiencing the same things for ever. Have you ever noticed how hopeless life is always the same and always will be. If you are not satisfied with the results in your life it is time to see your beliefs as the cause.

You have two ways to deal with the belief matrix. You can take on a new belief that will work more often in your life now or you can drop all of your beliefs and walk freely in the world responding naturally and spontaneously correct in all situations. Start by finding someone who you trust, who is calm and happy, ask them what they see in what you believe and follow their direction until your compass points you to success and fulfillment.

Steven Ranger Success and fulfillment coach coach@stevenranger.ca

Steven Ranger
Personal Success and fulfillment Coach
Buddhist writer and speaker
Liver of life

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